Oh no you didn't
Today, like all other weekdays, I drove to work. As I've mentioned previously, there is a huge parking problem on the Miami campus. I think I've even been a little cocky about my parking karma, if we get right down to it. So, maybe I was taunting the gods. But, really, can the gods be blamed for raging asshole interventions?
Picture this: I'm in the right-hand lane and there is an open parking spot on the left side of the street. I could have zipped into the parking spot in front of oncoming traffic, but hey, that's rude. Instead, I put on my blinker and waited for the traffice to pass.
This is where things get sticky, kittens.
The woman driving the oncoming car (note: she had "support the troops" and "I love America" shit on her bumper. Oh yes she did.) looked at me, acknowledged my blinker with a frivolous wave of the hand and a shrug, and STOLE my parking spot. Now, I'm not an utter stickler for manners. But. That whore.
I cannot express the utter impotence I experienced. I did not have an egg to fling at her sin-tainted Kia. I did not have a knife with which to rip open the cheap tires on her cheap, cheap little car. Instead, I shook my head.
Shook my head? What? No laying on the horn? (I did scream extremely loudly. It did nothing for me.)
I thought about my lack of action for the entire day. And, when I was driving home after work, I noticed her car was still in the spot.
Well, well, well.
And, in typical English geek style, I wrote that bitch a note. A MEAN note. At first, I thought "Karma is a bitch" might be taken as a personal threat. Also, "Watch your back" seemed too friendly. Instead, this is the note I left on that terrible woman's windshield:
I have met a lot of rude people at Miami, but you, ma'am, you take the cake.
I hope you are plagued with a lifetime of bad acne and droopy tits.
Next time, excercise your manners and don't steal parking spaces.
I realize this is sad and utterly useless. What's worse? I felt ten times better.
