A Few Funny Things
#1
Said after a girl in our class gave a class presentation that involved saying nice things about the World Bank and a fabric-backed chart (reminder: this is graduate school): “I look at people like that and I think to myself, they got my share of the happiness.”
#2
A reply to her boyfriend who thought it would be funny if they renamed the cat they are tending for friends: “Actually, the cat and I decided that we were going to change your name.”
#3
Said while eating ice cream in a city park and noticing an inexplicably large group of young women lined up on an outdoor stage: “We should go up there and rank them. ‘Get used to it.’”
#4
Said while sharing shit-related stories (again over ice cream): “There was a gnome on my track team. She borrowed a pair of my running shorts and shat them.”
#5
Randomly asked while pulling an all-nighter writing literature papers (she wanted to buy the calling cards as a gift for Chris and his wife to call their families): “I just got an e-mail from Chris asking me if I tried to buy calling cards at Radio Shack that would work to call Georgia [Russia]. How did he know? [Our friend Tom works at Radio Shack.] Now he thinks I’m going to call them in Georgia while they’re gone. This is awkward.”
#6
Written in a paper analyzing the poetry of Adrienne Rich and said aloud to the class in the funny voice she’d been using earlier to mock the line (think Dennis Miller meets Kenneth Branagh): “Rich identifies with both the mermaid and the merman equally and simultaneously.”
#7
While giving clues in the game CatchPhrase:
Clue: Leather pants. Jen says: “Wait. Hos wear them!”
Clue: Beat it. “What Michael Jackson does . . . and you do this when you’re alone.”
#8
Describing the game CatchPhrase to boyfriend: “That game with the thing that beeps and the catchphrases.”
Funny things I have said lately:
#1
“I don’t think she likes me because I use the fuck word.”
#2
Occurrence in our new French translation class (in which we only read but never speak):
French teacher: “Bonjour!”
Jen (making a joke): “I don’t understand.”
Me (to teacher): “It’s because we just read it.”
#3
While gossiping to Jen about a boy I like, his friend comes into the room:
Me (making eye contact, sure the friend heard what I was saying): “Fuuck.”
