A Few Funny Things
#1
Said after a girl in our class gave a class presentation that involved saying nice things about the World Bank and a fabric-backed chart (reminder: this is graduate school): �I look at people like that and I think to myself, they got my share of the happiness.�
#2
A reply to her boyfriend who thought it would be funny if they renamed the cat they are tending for friends: �Actually, the cat and I decided that we were going to change your name.�
#3
Said while eating ice cream in a city park and noticing an inexplicably large group of young women lined up on an outdoor stage: �We should go up there and rank them. �Get used to it.��
#4
Said while sharing shit-related stories (again over ice cream): �There was a gnome on my track team. She borrowed a pair of my running shorts and shat them.�
#5
Randomly asked while pulling an all-nighter writing literature papers (she wanted to buy the calling cards as a gift for Chris and his wife to call their families): �I just got an e-mail from Chris asking me if I tried to buy calling cards at Radio Shack that would work to call Georgia [Russia]. How did he know? [Our friend Tom works at Radio Shack.] Now he thinks I�m going to call them in Georgia while they�re gone. This is awkward.�
#6
Written in a paper analyzing the poetry of Adrienne Rich and said aloud to the class in the funny voice she�d been using earlier to mock the line (think Dennis Miller meets Kenneth Branagh): �Rich identifies with both the mermaid and the merman equally and simultaneously.�
#7
While giving clues in the game CatchPhrase:
Clue: Leather pants. Jen says: �Wait. Hos wear them!�
Clue: Beat it. �What Michael Jackson does . . . and you do this when you�re alone.�
#8
Describing the game CatchPhrase to boyfriend: �That game with the thing that beeps and the catchphrases.�
Funny things I have said lately:
#1
�I don�t think she likes me because I use the fuck word.�
#2
Occurrence in our new French translation class (in which we only read but never speak):
French teacher: �Bonjour!�
Jen (making a joke): �I don�t understand.�
Me (to teacher): �It�s because we just read it.�
#3
While gossiping to Jen about a boy I like, his friend comes into the room:
Me (making eye contact, sure the friend heard what I was saying): �Fuuck.�
